


It Eats You Up

by wearesuchstuff



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: M/M, OC death, family troubles, post coital confession, the Circles being awful always
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-24
Updated: 2015-10-24
Packaged: 2018-04-27 23:32:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5069116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wearesuchstuff/pseuds/wearesuchstuff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Do you remember when we met your father in Redcliffe?”</p><p>“I try not to,” Dorian quipped.</p><p>“I know. But you said something to me after that. You said, your father didn’t understand what it was like to live a lie, how it eats you up inside.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Eats You Up

**Author's Note:**

> I knew I wanted my current Inquisitor to side with the mages but I didn't want to play as a mage this time through. I also knew that the human "backstory" says that Trevelyan is the youngest of the family, but that didn't feel right for Dai. So I tried coming up with a backstory that was both a compelling reason for him to have such passionate feelings about mage rights (other than being a decent human being) and an explanation for me wanting him not to be the youngest but wanting to work within what the game gives you, as a challenge. It wound up way sadder than I anticipated.

“Something on your mind, amatus?”

They were lying together in Dai’s bed, letting the sweat cool in the breeze from the window, crisp and cool off the mountains. Dorian rolled onto his side, and propped himself up with one arm. “It’s not that the love-making was sub-par,” he continued. “You were spectacular, as always. But it’s clear that my frankly flawless body is not the only thing occupying your thoughts.” Dorian’s tone was teasing, but quickly sobered as Dai failed to rise to the taunting. “If something’s wrong, I’d like to know.”

A small smile flickered across Dai’s face at Dorian’s concern, though the smile failed to reach his eyes. “I’m alright, love. Just thinking.”

Dorian ran his fingers through Dai’s thick red hair, and then stroked his jaw. “This seems like a rather dark line of thinking if you expression is any indication.” He didn’t push further, but the question hung unasked in the air. It was a stretch, he knew. Dai wasn’t particularly forthcoming at the best of times, and clearly something was wrong.

After a long moment, Dai sighed. “Do you remember when we met your father in Redcliffe?”

“I try not to,” Dorian quipped.

“I know. But you said something to me after that. You said, your father didn’t understand what it was like to live a lie, how it eats you up inside.” Dai tangled a frayed strand of the blanket around his fingers. 

Dorian hesitated. “And you feel as if you’re being eaten up?” Dai nodded. “You can always tell me,” Dorian said. “It helps, trust me. I’m here to listen.” Makes, please, let him still want me, he prayed, anxiety fluttering in his chest. 

Dai sighed deeply, and gazed up at the ceiling. “My family never much cared for mages. We’re Chantry folk. Mages belong in Circles, away from us normal people. That’s what I was taught.” His husky voice was laced with bitterness. “But Sian, she was normal. More normal than them. A better person, too.”

Dorian gently rested his hand on Dai’s chest. “Who’s Sian?”

“My sister.”

Despite the incidents with far-flung Trevelyan relatives, Josephine had managed to bring Dai’s immediate family to Skyhold for a short visit after he had been named Inquisitor. Lord and Lady Trevelyan had been austere and admittedly classier than Dorian had been anticipating, and the two older brothers who accompanied them were well educated, polite, and dull. A third brother had remained in the Free Marches with his wife and newborn child, but sent his regards. There had been no mention of a sister. 

“I did not realize you had a sister. Your family—”

“My family pretends she never existed. She’s dead. Has been for years.” Dai took a shaky breath. “She was born when I was ten. A surprise but also a blessing. My mum always wanted a girl. And I always wanted someone younger than me to look after. She was perfect. Bright and friendly and kind. Followed me everywhere. But she started showing signs of magic when she was eight.”

The pieces were falling together quickly now in Dorian’s mind. “And so your parents sent her to the Circle.”

Dai nodded. “A week after the first incident. I hated them for it. Begged for them to let her stay at home, but they wouldn’t listen. I didn’t even know how bad the Circles were, I just wanted her to stay with me. I knew my family wasn’t the warmest or the closest, but…” He trailed off. A silence hung heavy in the room. 

“They took her to the Kirkwall Circle, and left her without letting us say goodbye. And that was that. They had her portrait burned, told our relatives to never speak of her again, even got the Chantry to remove her from the family record. Couldn’t have a mage in the family, even one in a Circle. So she just ceased to exist. And the worst thing was how easy it was for everyone else.” Dai’s voice broke, and he took a deep breath, forcing his body to remain still, to hide how deeply this was hurting him. It broke Dorian’s heart to see. “No one would talk to me about her. Not even my brothers, when we were alone, at home. I tried to go see her, and I wrote her, but no one else did. And my father got mad when he found out.”

“Dai…that’s horrible,” Dorian breathed, looking pained and almost frightened. “I mean, I’ve been disowned and ignored, but to be erased completely, that’s almost beyond words.” They lay there quietly together, Dorian rubbing Dai’s chest and Dai holding on to Dorian’s arm. “How did she die?” Dorian finally asked.

“I don’t know. They wouldn’t tell us, and they wouldn’t let us see the body. Not that my parents wanted to. Could have been a Templar. Could have been her Harrowing. I’ll probably never know.” 

A gust of wind blew through the window, sending goosebumps rising on Dorian’s skin. He grabbed the edge of the blanket and pulled it over them both, curling against Dai’s side. Dai wrapped an arm around him tightly. “She’s the reason I sided with the mages. I guess if I couldn’t save Sian, I should try to make sure nothing like that ever happens again. I just wish…”

“I know,” Dorian said, kissing Dai’s temple. “I think she’d be very proud of you. How do you feel now? Is this still eating you up inside?”

Dai considered. “Still hurts…but not so bad. It’s better.” He looked up at Dorian. “Thank you. I love you.”

“It’s what I’m here for, amatus.”


End file.
